Forever endeavor

This is a brief update to demarcate the worst part in my Japan trip, because if it's not then this trip wasn't worth it. I will explain later, but it involves me perhaps moving out soon. Learn more tomorrow by reading 日本でMY感動!!!

All I can say is that I came here to chill out and explore, not to be hounded by restrictions beyond my understanding. Also, apart from a temporary boost in my Japanese, I'm definitely gaining nothing academically from this trip. At least I can gain an understanding of Japan's restrictions?

But right now, when I am trying to study for a very important test that will determine whether I stay in my Japanese reading and writing class, I do NOT appreciate this shit: having to be reminded about the possible downsides and losses that I could've gotten by going here, reminded that I am a silly distance from home, reminded of things too trivial and unimportant for any one of them to finish this tricolon that I can deal with myself anyway.

What I just don't understand is how hospitality works here. Since when is it hospitable to chide someone on his contradictions when he's trying to make it easier for you to be hospitable? Jesus Christ, give me some help here. This time I'm not using your name in vain.

This shit is bananas. God. The number one thing I want to ask my host family that will not translate in any way is this: can we chill? Seriously.

I notice that today marked the last day for Tufts students to add classes. I also thought that finally being able to buy a cellphone today marked the end of me possibly seriously considering going back home, considering what life would be if I stayed at Tufts, taking math courses, living off campus, totally independent of university housing rules, or at least much more independent than last year, nothing to worry about because I'd be waaaaaay ahead of the game for math graduate school. But did I choose that easy route? No.

If I move out, I've got a Hobson's choice, but at least I can take it: move on. But h-what am I doing here?

And I'll be up and early, on probably five hours of sleep, no more, tomorrow morning. Confessingly not bright, not jovial, ... this communication barrier is too thick. At least my face can do the trick.

I can't help but feel maybe my Japanese teacher was right when she said I shouldn't study abroad. And now I've got to deal with the consequences of my actions.

Sigh.